Mystery solved...

"I have a voodoo doll of you, with a cork in its butt."
It would be in my best interest to stay on his good side. Yes, even if it means acquiescing when he's had one of his proud porcelain moments and needs someone to witness his creation.


I thought you were Ed

Which was why I smiled as we both came up the escalators from both platforms at King Station. You smiled back so I smiled again. Then I realized you were not Ed, but someone who looked like Ed. I kept smiling, but my eyes wandered around, as if I was the kind of girl who smiled at nothing all the time -- which happens to be true. And you kept smiling at me, thinking I could have been the one. All I could do was play it cool. I rushed up the stairs to the street level, past you. I ran on to the street, barely getting hit by the cab, not wanting to miss that streetcar. "Watch out for cars," I heard you say softly. But I didn't turn to smile thanks. That would have made you think I could have been the one. I sat at the back and chatted with someone from my salsa class, saw you sit in front of me, with your face turned to the side, trying to catch the sound of my voice. I pretended to be oblivious. I hope you fell for it. I am not the one.


missed opportunity

"I don't know if you want to see this... but it's pretty impressive..." He's standing in his bathroom, looking at me wide-eyed like he's just built the world's biggest sandcastle. He points at the bowl.
Maybe not while I'm still polishing off my twist cone.
But now I'm thinking I should have... for inspiration...


"how are you feeling? better?"

"a little. they gave me an enema last night"
"right on! that's great. i usually give myself one once a month..."
"really? with a home kit?"
"yep, from the drugstore... sometimes i make up my own concoction... get in the tub"
she gets down on the floor and demonstrates her self-administered enema position

"oh wow. i did not find it fun at all. they made me keep it in for 30 minutes!"
i pat my bloated little belly
"rub it clockwise"
"like so?"
"yeh, that's the way your intestines coil..."
"so if i rub counter clockwise...?"

"it messes things up"
good to know :)

"Tell me all about it... In detail..."

My enema. He wants to know.
How will I ever -- and I hope it never comes to this -- find another boy who truly understands (appreciates?) my obsession with all things fecal?
I am such a lucky girl. :)


The sweetest thing anyone's said to me today

"I sure hope you don't need a colon transplant but if you do I hope I'm a donor match."
Why is it so much funnier when someone else's anus is bleeding, but not your own?


bustadrop555: so do u like my looks?
Brie: you're wearing shades
bustadrop555: lol yea
Brie: don't mean to waste your time, but i'm not here to meet up with boys...
bustadrop555: ok well thats fine...could u ever see urself getting to like someone then maybe meet?
Brie: i do have a boyfriend
bustadrop555: so change ur profile. don't put single
self-proclaimed "cultured guy" gives a lesson on proper netiquette
Brie: "single, not looking" -- is that not what i've indicated?
bustadrop555: yea
bustadrop555: single meaning single
Brie: "single" as in unmarried, and "not looking" would...
bustadrop555: would mean that ur not interested in anything
Brie: so? was that not enough information?
bustadrop555: long term relationship would mean that
Brie: i didn't know that was an option -- but why would you even bother if i'd indicated "not looking"? i never thought "single, not looking" meant "come ask me out"
or "step right up and face the challenge of a girl playing hard-to-get"
bustadrop555: ok well sorry to bother you
Brie: ah well, thanks for the heads up! i'll change it and hope that yahoo updates my profile :) take care!
bustadrop555: yea bye
being a a history major and the fact that you love Mamma Mia does not necessarily make you cultured... but that's just the Queen's snob in me judging you