feces

That word makes me giggle. Maybe it's the way you have to grimace when forming the word with your lips. Say it with me. Fee - seez.

And poop. I think I prefer poop to poo. I like how the last p gives a gentle pop to end the word. Although saying poooooooo can also result in a funny face.

))<>(( I can't explain to you why this topic fascinates me to no end.

Thanks to Ceci for sending these unfortunate names to my attention. 1 2

Perhaps I feel like baking cookies this weekend!

Like the majority of my posts, this is a pointless one. I just needed some kind of lead-in to this rather entertaining video.

CSI: Horatio

Call him hammy. I call him awesome.

Only David Caruso can deliver those lines with such conviction. That rubbery face, the fiery floppy straw hair, the gravelly voice, the dimples. And the eyes, beady blue and piercing. *sigh*

An homage to DC, on McSweeney's. Brilliant.

Maybe it was the change in hair colour, but DC's role in the hugely underrated Hudson Hawk(1991) was forgettable. If you were disappointed by The Da Vinci Code last weekend, do rent Hudson Hawk this weekend. It is one entertaining film. Far from horrible.

Conversation between two bored security guards:
"673 Wongs in the phone book."
"That's a hell of a lot of Wong numbers."

Gold.

Dearest Sesame Butter

You've been so good to me these past few years. And now the Body Shop has discontinued you, replacing you with Almond Butter.

I will make an effort to purchase you every time I walk past a Body Shop. Then we can be together if not forever, then for a very long time.

What I wouldn't give/do for a replicator.

I suppose I could learn some science, apply for a job with the company and infiltrate the labs to get the recipe for your heavenly scent. I was fired from the downtown Kingston Body Shop in 1998, after working one shift. According to Perky Kelly the Manager with teased bangs, I just didn't seem to be having fun. I kind of spaced out while she gave me the spiel... I found her frosty pink lip gloss distracting.

L: but that was before my restaurant days -- i don't think i could ever go back to retail
J: I've never done it. I could only sell something I really thought people should have, I think
L: like bacon
J: or porn
L: definitely
J: bacon and/or porn
L: bacon porn
J: mmm greezy
L: greazy, even
J: it'd be like the tastiest lube ever... and I really can't stop thinking about penis wrapped in bacon... and how much that might hurt.
L: you mean if the bacon was just off the griddle?
J: ouch ouch ouch.

if I knew this wouldn't creep you out

big-screen bluish glow on your neck
can't follow the film, because all i want to do is
to lean forward
touch
and linger

comfort derived

hot Campbell's green pea soup out of a mug
cup and saucer
cold pat of unsalted butter on soft bread
real squeezes that linger, not half-assed hugs
cat purrs on my chest as i fall asleep
freesia in a sunny room
meals with the roommates and ensuing laughter
an old cardigan
feeling bumpy walls beneath my fingertips
tappity-tap rain
putting on a clean pair of underwear
bowel purge that only needs one wipe
squeezing a hard yellow nugget out of a pore -- when i expected a white tubule of pus
finding comedones, anywhere

final performances this week...

Absences at Premiere Dance Theatre

Simi Rowen, Dancemakers.
Photo by David Hou

Review in the Globe & Mail