A long time ago, I dreamed of little brown Timbits decked in white gloves and sneakers, spiralling down my intestinal slide, arms upraised and "wheeeeeeee"-ing with glee as they dropped into the porcelain chasm.

It is comforting to know that there are others out there who have shared similar visions. I should definitely consider moving to Japan, where people are less likely to find me weird and/or gross.